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||Tuesday, August 05 2003 @ 02:20 PM PDT
|I ran across a joke this morning that was a favorite in my family when I was growing up. It's a pretty twisted joke, and it got me to thinking about the development of my sense of humor in those formative years.
The conclusion that I drew from my cursory self-analysis is that I have a twisted sense of humor, and that this may somehow relate to my overall cynicism in the world. Beyond that, I don't know (I told you it was a cursory analysis.)
So, since I didn't come up with anything particularly deep, I figured I'd share some of the jokes that I grew up with, and those people that know me can attempt to relate one to the other.
Little Willie with a dreadful shout
Gouged the baby's eyeballs out.
He jumped on them and made them pop
'Till mommy said, "Willie, stop!"
Willie in one of his nice new sashes
fell in the fire and was burned to ashes.
Now, although the room goes chilly
I haven't the heart to poke poor Willie.
Wille fell down the elevator.
Wasn't found 'till six days later.
All the neighbors frowned and sniffed,
"My, how spoiled that Willie is!"
In the days of yore, a knight was on his way to do something terribly important, riding his horse into the ground to get to his destination as fast as possible.
After being ridden too hard for too long, his horse became lame, and seeing a small town ahead he headed straight for the stables there.
"I must have a horse!" he cried "The life of the King depends upon it!"
The stablekeeper shook his head. "I have no horses," he said. "They have all been taken in the service of your King."
"You must have something - a pony, a donkey, a mule, anything at all?" the knight asked.
"Nothing..... unless.... no, I couldn't"
The knight's eyes lit up. "Tell me!"
The stablekeeper leads the knight into the stable. Inside is a dog, but no ordinary dog. This dog is a giant, almost as large as the horse the knight was riding. But it is also the filthiest, shaggiest, smelliest, mangiest dog that the knight has ever seen.
Swallowing, the knight said "I'll take it. Where is the saddle?"
The stablekeeper walked over to a saddle near the dog and started gasping for breath, holding the walls to keep himself upright. "I can't do it." he told the knight.
"You must give me the dog!" cried the knight. "Why can't you?"
The stablekeeper said "I just couldn't send a knight out on a dog like this."
"Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is how to make ginger bread men?"
"Shut up kid, and get back in the oven."
"Mommy, Mommy! What's a vampire?"
"Shut up kid, and drink your soup before it clots."
"Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy running so fast?"
"Shut up kid, and reload."
"Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy so pale?"
"Shut up kid, and keep digging."
"Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagra Falls."
"Shut up kid, and get back in the barrel."
"Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to go to England."
"Shut up kid, and keep swimming."
"Mommy, Mommy! I don't like running in circles."
"Shut up kid, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."
"Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?"
"Shut up kid, and eat your corn flakes."
How does an elephant get into a tree?
Sits on an acorn and waits.
How does an elephant get out of a tree?
Sits on a leaf and waits until fall.
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over a hill?
Look, a herd of elephants coming over the hill.
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over a hill?
Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
How can you tell if there's an elephant under your bed?
You nose touches the ceiling.
How do you kill a blue elephant?
Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a red elephant?
Strangle it till it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a green elephant?
Tell it a dirty joke until it blushes and turns red, then strangle it until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a yellow elephant?
What are you talking about? There are no yellow elephants!
How are an elephant and a banana alike?
They are both yellow... except for the elephant.