Chrestomathy
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 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Friday, April 02 2004 @ 04:30 AM PST
 Viewed:  901 times  
Life"Cold, wet, tired, hungry and hurt is no way to go through life, son."

For no particular reason, here's some doggerel:
Cold & wet is what you get when you move all your crap in the rain.
Tired will happen when still moving your crap in six days later -- insane.
Hunger grips your tummy when you run out of money and from food you must abstain.
Hurt can appear when you walk out the rear and tumble down stairs: back pain.


So, I'm pretty much done with the moving bit. I've got a couple things left on the porch that I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do with. How does one properly dispose of gasoline cans? Empty kegs that have been around for a long time? Propane bottles?

Other than the various flammable fluids and such (ok, I guess the beer wasn't that bad), I've got an ashtray to move.. and I think that's about it. It took me far too long to get it done, but I'm starting to feel like it'll eventually be over.

In the process of getting ready to move I managed to overspend a bit, leaving me no money for the end of the month. That's nothing extraordinary in and of itself. Getting paid once a month means that inevitably I'll forget about one thing or another and come up a little short on my budget, so it's not as if I'm not used to it.

The bad news, however, is that I didn't realize that I was really out of money until it was too late for budgeting to solve anything so I ended up spending my laundry money (a.k.a. the large pile of quarters that I only really ever spend at a laundromat), eating whatever I could dig out of the fridge and cupboards in Brighton, etc. By the time I finished eating dinner last night, I had no money at all (in fact, I'd managed to achieve a negative balance at the bank) and no food left, with the exception of four eggs and a quarter gallon of spring water, which means that I hit my target pretty well, because I get paid on the first of the month, and today was the first of the month.

The problem was that this month, due to a clerical error of some sort, payroll got sent out a day late, which means that I had no recourse but to fill up on powdered iced tea (while still in Watertown) and try to make it as long as possible before breaking down and cooking up my eggs. Now, for all of you aspiring dieticians, you have to start off by ignoring the fact that I got more than 200% of my recommended daily allowance of cholesterol by eating three eggs (in omelette form with cheese, and one broke before making it into the mixing bowl). With the relative health value shot to hell, let's just look at my caloric intake today, keeping in mind that my normal daily intake is probably closer to 3000 than 2000.
  • One omelette consisting of three eggs, four slices of cheese, black pepper, crushed red pepper, bacon bits and a splash of homemade hot sauce (I threw all that in there because it actually tasted really good): approximately 750 calories.
  • Seven or eight (call it eight) glasses of raspberry iced tea from powder mix: approximately 800 calories.
  • Ten high-quality italian chocolates throughout the day to keep me from gnawing my own arm off: 770 calories.


Even counting the "cheating" I did with the chocolates (I have to point out what a waste it was to eat good chocolate when I was ravenous. I didn't get to appreciate it at all.), I still only racked up 2320 calories for the day, and I would've gladly forgone the chocolates in lieu of a pair of large potatos, mashed (about 450 calories). So yeah, I'm hungry (although I do have money in the bank now, and I'm tempted to run down to 7-11 to take it for a spin.)

I'd be willing to bet that I won't whine about any of that stuff this weekend nearly as much as my back. My aching back.

Right as I was finishing up unloading the last few things from the apartment, I was carrying a pair of framed prints and the Angelina Jolie life-sized cutout that I had got for Austin for Christmas. I started down the back stairs that everybody hates (though I had never had a particularly bad experience on them in the 6 1/2 years I'd lived there) and my feet shot out from under me. I landed on my back with the offending stair catching me square across the shoulder blades, and a half a moment later, the stair below it catching me about two inches lower. In my apparent eagerness to arrive at the ground, I lost control of the prints, whose glass facings dutifully shattered (in the way that all good glass facings should), spraying shards all over the place.

The fall knocked the wind out of me for a while, but, somewhat miraculously, I have no cuts to show for it, though I've got a goose egg on my right leg and a little lump on my left arm to go with the never ending ache and occasional sharp pain emanating from the middle of my back.

It took about two hours for the pain to register (that's when you know it's deep, you're in shock, or both), so I imagine that tomorrow is going to be a fun-filled day. I can't decide which is more disturbing: the fact that as I was trying to regain the ability to breathe all I could think of was the fact that I didn't have health insurance, or the fact that once I regained my breath, I cleaned up the glass, carted some more stuff down and then cleaned the floor in the kitchen before heading back to Watertown to relax a bit.

Non-sequitur: Driving my Jeep through flood areas is fun. I got to do it a few times today.



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