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The Syndicate

 There's an old saying   
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Saturday, January 22 2005 @ 05:01 AM PST
 Viewed:  994 times  
Life"A man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client."

Herein lies the impetus for, of all things, a writing contest of sorts. I want you all to tell me what you think of me.

Specifically, I'm looking for your interpretation of how I could best answer a few questions, which I would then edit and use to fill in appropriate fields at some dating sites. Enter as often as you like but, to keep everybody honest, instead of commenting send them to matt.dunn(a) Also, even if you think you don't know me, don't let that stop you from entering - I'll weight answers roughly according to how well I think the respondee knows me, and it'll also serve well to examine first or early impressions.

I figure that even the worst case scenario will give me a little dose of GnÚthi sautÚn.

I'll publish the result here for further comment prior to unleashing it on the unsuspecting females of Eastern Massachusetts.

Without further ado, here are the questions. Be honest - I can take it.

Part 1 (multiple choice):
1. Body Type (pick one)
A) Slender
B) Athletic and Toned
C) About Average
D) A Few Extra Pounds
E) Big and Beautiful
F) Full-figured
G) Curvy
H) Stocky
I) Heavyset

2. Best Feature (pick one)
A) Hair
B) Eyes
C) Lips
D) Neck
E) Arms
F) Hands
G) Chest
H) Bellybutton
I) Butt
J) Legs
K) Calves
L) Feet
M) The Ponderous Mass Between My Legs (I know, but pick one of the others)

3. Sense of Humor (pick 1-3)
A) Campy: The cheesier, the better
B) Clever: Nothingís better than a quick-witted comeback
C) Dry / Sarcastic
D) Friendly: Iíll laugh at anything
E) Goofy: Cartoons still crack me up
F) Obscure: Iím usually the only one laughing
G) Slapstick

4. My Perfect Date (pick one)
A) Cozy: A cappuccino and fat-free latte, the scent of cinnamon and freshly baked scones echoing my warm fuzzy feeling
B) Sensual: A decadent dinner so good we could eat it with our bare hands, both of us satisfied but eager to see the dessert tray
C) Raw: Blissful pain of the tattoo needle, my name in barbed wire on your bicep to match your name emblazoned on my chest
D) Fun: Boot scootin' across gritty floorboards, the band playing what we'll soon remember as "our song"
E) Indulgent: Carefree shopping spree, indulging our boutique desires and department store fantasies, too many packages preventing us from holding hands
F) Thrilling: Clinging for our lives to an impossibly flat rock face, our climbing ropes dangerously yet romantically intertwined
G) Hot: Commanding the dance floor, a sea of sweaty bodies illuminated by strobe lights while we gyrate to pounding rhythms
H) Edgy: Exciting highway jaunt at 95mph, screaming expletives at other drivers who dare to swerve into our path
I) Relaxed: Quiet cuisine shared in the unequalled comfort of home and served by the best chef in town ó me (or more precisely, the take out place down the road. -ed.)
J) Revealing: Reciprocal psychoanalysis, the box of tissues at our side soon depleted as we both reveal our wounded inner children
K) Casual: Refreshingly funny conversation over soup and sandwiches, sharing a smile before we return to work for the afternoon
L) Intimate: Sensual stroll along the beach, the sunset reflected in our eyes as we hold hands and enjoy the tide
M) Stimulating: Thoughtful observations on art and culture, stopping for a few precious moments to enjoy cocoa at the museum's cafe
N) Hilarious: Uncontrollable laughter segueing into embarrassingly loud snorting... Who knew we'd have so much in common?
O) Natural: Verdant conversations over cobblestone paths, each of us captivated by the perfume of blooming perennials

Part 2 (Short Answer):
1. List three or four adjectives that best describe me.
2. What do I do for fun?
3. What should my headline be?

Part 3 (Longer Stuff):
1. How would you introduce me to a prospective mate?
2. How would you introduce me to somebody that wasn't?
3. What kind of a person do you think I'm looking for?
4. What kind of a person do you think would be good for me?
4a. Why do you think there's a difference, if any?

Part 4 (Boolean):
1. Do you believe I will follow through on this?
2. Have you taken into account that the potential for sex might be a factor?
3. Have you taken into account that the potential for sex might not be a factor?
4. In your opinion, will I find myself "chasing a unicorn"? ("writing to Santa", "waiting for Elvis", etc.)

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