Chrestomathy
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 A question... Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Tuesday, September 28 2004 @ 02:41 AM PDT
 Viewed:  779 times  
LifeWhere does one draw the line between infatuation and an abject fear of bodily harm?

5 comments
Most Recent Post: 09/29 02:27PM by matt

 MLK I ain't Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Friday, September 24 2004 @ 07:35 PM PDT
 Viewed:  848 times  
LifeI had a dream. It was an odd dream. It was a dream about a girl. There was no sex involved.

The girl wasn't somebody I knew, per se. She was a conglomeration of several women I know - even drifting seamlessly from brunette to blonde and back again as the dream progressed. She drove a very large truck for a living. I don't mean a large truck like a semi or something, I mean a truck big enough to have a twenty or so foot wide bench seat in the front and a second floor above. Her life and her job were inextricably intertwined and entirely nomadic. The truck never stopped rolling.

We were going somewhere together - a wedding or a prom or whatever... something formal. We went in my jeep, and her housetruck kept going without her, but driven instead by some friends of ours that had been there while we were getting ready, presumably so she could have a night out.

Apparently my dream is to get involved with an amorphous woman whose life and work are one and the same and lack any kind of definition or stability.

At least now I know what I want in life.

 C1al1s - pwn3d Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Friday, September 24 2004 @ 06:00 PM PDT
 Viewed:  835 times  
TechnologyWe've all seen them - spam e-mails promising to make our penises larger and sex more fulfilling through the use of drugs, herbal remedies, and even traction.

Now there's a product out there that can extend a penis through the internet to the far corners of the world. The Sinulator, taken in conjunction (pardon the pun) with the Interactive Fleshlight purports to allow a person to do some real-time rogering over the Internet, among other things.

While this is not a new idea (there was a satirical advertisement along these lines somewhere around 1996 the name of which I can't recall), it appears to be the first successful implementation of intercourse at a distance (or "teledildonics", as a writer for Wired put it).

I have to say, -sniff- I am just... so proud... my little Internet... all grown up...

As a side note, while doing research for this entry, I ran across a site that mentions a place called "South Dildo" in eastern Newfoundland. The picture of the whale carving with the caption "South Dildo" is fucking priceless.

 Bushwhacked Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Monday, September 13 2004 @ 02:48 PM PDT
 Viewed:  686 times  
KitschThis is pretty funny, but probably not safe for work.

The guy at the end is supposed to be Tony Blair, if you're not up on your geopolitical figures.

 Why Not Bush, part 1: Economics Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Wednesday, September 08 2004 @ 10:46 PM PDT
 Viewed:  890 times  
PoliticsAs all true fans of Ben Stein are aware, in 1980, then Vice Presidential candidate George Herbert Walker Bush called supply-side economics "voodoo economics", Laffer curve and all. As you can read here, by 1981 the Reagan administration had attempted to base its budget on supply-side theories and before too long, this period in our history gets shown in an macroeconomics classroom as what not to do.

 On the other hand Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Tuesday, August 31 2004 @ 11:50 AM PDT
 Viewed:  758 times  
KitschNestlé has come out with a version of the venerable CRUNCH bar with peanut butter in it.

It's yummy, but it melts easily so keep it cool.

 They say they come in threes Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Tuesday, August 31 2004 @ 11:45 AM PDT
 Viewed:  968 times  
LifeWhen I woke up yesterday morning, I felt like somebody was standing on my balls. Not literally, of course, or I'd be in a hospital right now, and probably better off. It felt (not surprisingly, in retrospect) like that special kind of jet lag you only get when you've been having a little too much fun in Vegas, and then take the red-eye back to the east coast.

I had, in fact, spent pretty much all weekend working and simultaneously adjusting my sleep schedule so that I'd actually be awake on Monday morning. I even managed to lose a day along the way... Friday, I think. Even after putting in that hellish weekend, I was still about a day behind on delivering a software release. Thus began my day.

By about 8PM, I had become sufficiently frustrated that I was cursing (loudly) at my computer, using all sorts of colorful imagery in a vain attempt to convince the aforementioned bucket of bits to Do What I Mean. A few more rounds and a couple of cigarettes later, I had reached a heretofore unimaginable pinnacle of crapulence.

In an effort to capture precisely the meanness and rage I was feeling, I said to my coworker, "If there were a three legged dog in the room, I'd be kicking it."

 Real estate Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Friday, August 27 2004 @ 06:14 AM PDT
 Viewed:  817 times  
KitschSomebody needs to proof their photos.
Go here, and look at the third picture.

Of course, if you ask me, that's just another selling point. :)

Update: The people that run the site shut down that listing. It was a house in Pleasanton, CA that cost just over a million dollars, and this was one of the photos they used in the listing:

 I'm not bitching... Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Thursday, August 26 2004 @ 12:41 AM PDT
 Viewed:  874 times  
Technology...I'm just confused.

I just checked my CafePress account, and I've apparently been making referral commissions off of somebody's store... but it doesn't say whose store it is.

I guess the good news (for everybody involved) is that the mystery store is doing a better business than I am, 'cause my referral commissions from August are more than my profits from a year of sales.

Weird.

Update: Mystery Solved.

4 comments
Most Recent Post: 08/26 10:22PM by pamela

 Oranges Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Thursday, August 12 2004 @ 05:21 AM PDT
 Viewed:  1899 times  
FictionThis is the preface to a book I may or may not be working on, depending on my mood.

The question is, despite the lack of editing, would this (just over 3 pages in a paperback) be enough to convince you to you buy the book? I'm just trying to gauge whether or this particular voice is marketable, since it's slightly non-traditional.

read more (847 words) 4 comments
Most Recent Post: 05/12 06:15AM by lance

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