Chrestomathy
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 Responsible spending Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Wednesday, November 24 2004 @ 02:19 AM PST
 Viewed:  1127 times  
Life...is not something at which I excel.

Oh sure, I manage to stay mostly afloat, but realistically, I spend about three or four times what I should in a given week on food. In the entire time I've lived in this apartment, I've eaten from the fridge probably eight times, and I've actually cooked (prepared a meal sans-microwave) exactly once.

What does that have to do with anything? Not much really. I'm just kinda going on record with it. Hi. My name is Matt, and I'm a takeoutaholic.

read more (456 words) 2 comments
Most Recent Post: 11/24 08:12AM by Dan4th

 Daily affirmation Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Tuesday, October 12 2004 @ 09:57 PM PDT
 Viewed:  838 times  
LifeI woke up laughing today.

I was having a dream that it was my wedding day, and what made it funny is that my mind didn't even make excuses for itself by filling in details like it usually does in a dream. Without going into the exact details, I was both late for my wedding (which, in and of itself is funny), and marrying a very pretty girl whose name I couldn't remember, and about whom I knew nothing.

read more (260 words) 1 comments
Most Recent Post: 10/13 08:50AM by Dan4th

 Nine days (part 2) Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Saturday, October 09 2004 @ 04:54 AM PDT
 Viewed:  857 times  
LifeDay the second: Near death and a burgeoning fascination

As the attempt at a second chorus of the song degraded into sporadic laughter and conversation, I decided it was time to crack a beer. Because we were pretty much the only guests in the place, we were having our party right in the back of the parking lot in front of the groom's parents' cottage. Before long the people that had run back to their respective other hotels had arrived, including the bride and groom, and (separately) Tara.

Many toasts were offered and the party progressed, but Tara remained somewhat aloof from the crowd. I suppose that she probably knew fewer people there than I did, and I suspect that her venture into dish washing had left her feeling a bit alienated from the merriment. By virtue of the tacit understanding between the two of us and the friend that was trying to set us up, it seemed to be my job to help integrate her into the party. This, however, had its difficulties.

read more (980 words) 5 comments
Most Recent Post: 10/20 09:45AM by Dan4th

 And fate stepped out Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Friday, October 08 2004 @ 11:44 PM PDT
 Viewed:  907 times  
LifeHere's a tip: never, ever, EVER do statistical analysis of the dating pool based on (mostly) reliable data. It's far too depressing.

That said, let's talk numbers:
289534 - Number of women in the United States that are compatible with me based on relatively superficial criteria*
938 - Number of women in New England that are compatible
463 - Number of women in Massachusetts that are compatible
13894 - Number of people in Massachusetts per compatible woman
0 - Likelihood that I'll ever weed through nearly fourteen thousand people while sitting here doing statistical analysis.


* I made no attempt to estimate the vagaries of compatibility for personality, proclivity or situation. I could have, for instance, deducted some small percentage for those women that are currently imprisoned, in a coma, or have a boyfriend already (in roughly that order of preference), but I lacked accurate numbers.

2 comments
Most Recent Post: 10/10 08:52PM by matt

 Nine days (part 1) Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Friday, October 08 2004 @ 03:37 AM PDT
 Viewed:  870 times  
LifeDay the first: Jewelry, tattoos, collars and knots

I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock for the umpteenth time and flopped back onto the bed. A few seconds later, the time registered in my brain, and I was out of bed cursing at myself.

My first experiments with my roommates' clothing steamer were, shall we say, less than impressive. The basic idea is that you've got this thing that looks like a part of a vacuum cleaner that shoots steam out, and you can use it to effectively iron clothing without having to worry about creases and seams. It doesn't give clothing the look of having been pressed, but works fine for a shirt that's going to be under a suit anyway.

Over the course of the first five minutes I had managed to burn myself twice, and I still hadn't scored a point against the wrinkles in my dress shirt. In the ensuing battle, I managed to coax the shirt into a mostly flat state and headed for the shower.

Reveling under the flow of warm water, my lethargy set back in and cost me an extra ten minutes. If things kept up at this rate, I might show up in time to buy the groom a drink.

 Teaser Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Tuesday, October 05 2004 @ 11:28 PM PDT
 Viewed:  718 times  
LifeI know it's been pretty slow around here, but I'm working on a recap of what's been going on, and it's a series of events worthy of editing and rewrite, so it may be a little while before it's up. In the meantime, I've already selected the chapter names, so just to make sure it doesn't live up to the hype, here they are:

read more (62 words) 3 comments
Most Recent Post: 10/09 05:03PM by matt

 A question... Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Tuesday, September 28 2004 @ 02:41 AM PDT
 Viewed:  693 times  
LifeWhere does one draw the line between infatuation and an abject fear of bodily harm?

5 comments
Most Recent Post: 09/29 02:27PM by matt

 MLK I ain't Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Friday, September 24 2004 @ 07:35 PM PDT
 Viewed:  764 times  
LifeI had a dream. It was an odd dream. It was a dream about a girl. There was no sex involved.

The girl wasn't somebody I knew, per se. She was a conglomeration of several women I know - even drifting seamlessly from brunette to blonde and back again as the dream progressed. She drove a very large truck for a living. I don't mean a large truck like a semi or something, I mean a truck big enough to have a twenty or so foot wide bench seat in the front and a second floor above. Her life and her job were inextricably intertwined and entirely nomadic. The truck never stopped rolling.

We were going somewhere together - a wedding or a prom or whatever... something formal. We went in my jeep, and her housetruck kept going without her, but driven instead by some friends of ours that had been there while we were getting ready, presumably so she could have a night out.

Apparently my dream is to get involved with an amorphous woman whose life and work are one and the same and lack any kind of definition or stability.

At least now I know what I want in life.

 They say they come in threes Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Tuesday, August 31 2004 @ 11:45 AM PDT
 Viewed:  886 times  
LifeWhen I woke up yesterday morning, I felt like somebody was standing on my balls. Not literally, of course, or I'd be in a hospital right now, and probably better off. It felt (not surprisingly, in retrospect) like that special kind of jet lag you only get when you've been having a little too much fun in Vegas, and then take the red-eye back to the east coast.

I had, in fact, spent pretty much all weekend working and simultaneously adjusting my sleep schedule so that I'd actually be awake on Monday morning. I even managed to lose a day along the way... Friday, I think. Even after putting in that hellish weekend, I was still about a day behind on delivering a software release. Thus began my day.

By about 8PM, I had become sufficiently frustrated that I was cursing (loudly) at my computer, using all sorts of colorful imagery in a vain attempt to convince the aforementioned bucket of bits to Do What I Mean. A few more rounds and a couple of cigarettes later, I had reached a heretofore unimaginable pinnacle of crapulence.

In an effort to capture precisely the meanness and rage I was feeling, I said to my coworker, "If there were a three legged dog in the room, I'd be kicking it."

 Quick survey Email Article To a Friend View Printable Version 
 Author:  matt
 Dated:  Friday, July 30 2004 @ 05:00 AM PDT
 Viewed:  763 times  
LifeDoes anybody actually read the "Objective" section of a resume? More to the point, would they miss it if it weren't there?

My basic problem is that I've worked on so many different things in the past nine years that my Experience and Technologies sections alone are two pages of Arial 9pt. I don't think any potential employer wants to read past page two, despite my compelling prose, so I'm thinking about losing the objective.

Besides, the simplest, most honest "Objective" that I have right now is to make more damn money, but that comes up a little later in the hiring process.

Oooh! This is a good excuse to using the polling system!

2 comments
Most Recent Post: 07/30 10:10AM by Dan4th

 2008 Elections  
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 A Good Cause  
Buy an overpriced, marginally clever shirt and help support my sanity. [how?]

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